A Closing Window

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Over the last few months, I’ve shared important individual concepts about financial and longevity planning:

• Why, if you approach aging thanatologically vs. chronologically, you have #MoreRunwayThanYouThink to put your financial plan in order;

• Why you are going to live longer than you think and really need to #InvestInYourHealth—especially your metabolic health;

• Why you should stop worrying about your children’s paths—they will get where they need to go, and it will look different than the path you traveled;

• Why the housing challenge is a multi-generational challenge, and we need to get creative with multi-generational solutions; and

• Why your next 50-year financial and longevity plan should include all generations, including your parents. This is not only because #FamilyIsAFixedExpense. It’s also because family will be part of how you allocate your 168 hours a week.

I recorded a podcast this week with the wonderful Jeff Bernier, President of Tandem Growth Financial Advisors in Alpharetta, GA. And he asked me to talk more about the Triple Decker Club Sandwich Generation and how we might think about planning for us. And believe me, this is most definitely an us challenge. Every time I have this conversation, someone shares a story that mirrors my own and that of my clients.

Essentially, our longevity is forcing us to create an additional life map; this one for the Triple Decker Club Sandwich Generation. In the past, we launched our children, celebrated our independence, made a big push toward retirement, and took a well-earned break. The well-to-do among us celebrated with increasingly long once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Maybe these were cruises around the world or a month or two in Europe. They were emblematic of achievement and freedom.

There’s a big gotcha with our generation’s plans, however. And it goes beyond the depressing stuff we read in the media about the number of unpaid caregivers and rampant corporate ageism. It’s that the window between launching children and addressing aging parents is closing. And even the lucky among us aren’t able to execute our grand reward because the decade we thought we’d have to celebrate, roughly from age 60 to 70, is no longer available to us.

Here’s why:
When clients tell me they want to retire at 60, or even 65, I crosscheck their ages with when they had their children. If they had kids in their late 30s or early 40s, I point out that it may not be advantageous to retire when their children are still in school. As a matter of fact, it may not be advantageous to retire until they are certain they won’t have children living at home after college. Emerging adulthood, that new phase of life between high school and age 30, does not guarantee that your children will be financially independent and completely launched. While they (hopefully) can be trusted not to burn the house down while you are away, they are far from independent.

When clients tell me they want to take long trips in retirement, I ask about their parents’ health. If we wait until we are in our mid to late 60s to take long trips, our parents will be in their late 80s or early 90s. They may no longer be independent. Or they may require more attention than in the past.

A generation-and-a-half ago, those aging parents would likely have already passed on. But today, with Mom still living independently and alone, it’s hard to galivant halfway around the globe. And wealth does not fix this problem. In many ways, it makes it worse, as the wealthy will leverage quality healthcare to live longest and are unlikely to be living multi-generationally unless it is already the cultural norm for them to do so.

How do we fix this for ourselves? So glad you (I?) asked. Not that this is easy to do; but I think financial planners don’t discuss this because it’s not tied to a financial product or even a financial outcome. It’s tied to holistic family planning. And it starts with conversations about values.

• This generation of kids knows and loves their grandparents. They’re used to having them around into adulthood. While these children may not be completely ready to become financially independent, we should not hide the aging process from them.

When my Grandma Margie (she of the fancy buttons) was still alive, we had a family mobilization plan to get to her apartment in Forest Hills, Queens, if she ever didn’t pick up the phone. Even as young adults, we realized our part of the responsibility to make certain she was okay.

While grandparenting is a joy and sometimes a labor of love, “grandchilding” should include an understanding of what caregiving and assistance an elder relative needs. It has an advantage of creating awareness of what our children do and do not want to happen to them. After all, they will construct their world. Rather than shield children from declining elders, a frank conversation about helping Mom and Dad share the emotional and logistical burden can be a healthy bonding experience. And if your parents live with you, asking grown kids to move back in for a few weeks while you vacation might be a fair expectation.

• Sometimes, you get lucky if you’re part of a large family and multiple siblings reside close to their parents. While elder caregiving tends to fall to the daughters (and daughters-in-law,) there’s no reason other siblings can’t have expectations set that they need to assist with specific tasks for a period of time. That might be just enough time to give you the vacation you’ve promised yourself.

Aside:  If your family doesn’t get along well, this could go either way. Don’t get your hopes up.

• If longevity runs in your family, double down on your own longevity and elder care plan. Ensure your siblings and children know what you expect. Quit putting off long-term care and estate planning.

• Maybe it’s not the right thing to wait until retirement to take the BIG TRIP. So, take the long vacation in your 50s while the family is healthy. If you are valued by your employer, find or make a way to take a sabbatical. And, if that’s just not a possibility, reevaluate whether this is the employer that will take you to full retirement. Maybe the sabbatical is something you schedule between employments, funded by your F**k You Fund.

• Last, consider multi-generational housing in your future. Remember that the move to single-family zoning and housing was an economic incentive created after WWII to grow the economy. And, of course, that move had unintended consequences, both good and bad. The arrangement can be mutually beneficial for all generations of the family.

Let me drill down on that last point. Pew Research indicates that multi-generational living has been increasing dramatically since the 1970s. While most multi-generational households live that way for financial reasons (40%), there’s another 33% whose rationale is caregiving—both childcare and eldercare—and 28% because that’s the way it’s always been.

As we become more and more multi-cultural, we are becoming a nation that brings Grandma along with us wherever we go, as is the tradition in the Global South. I see it in my own neighborhood. Recall that we are seeing zoning changes to support Accessory Dwelling Units (ADUs) so that tiny houses are added to properties. Maybe the kids who are raising their family take the main house and we, Mom and Dad, downsize to the backyard.

Maybe young people trade the cost of college education and housing for living multi-generationally with seniors who receive 30 hours of care and companionship weekly.

Maybe developers build communities that include classic in-law suites and major/minor dwellings on a single plot. Or they incorporate designs that cater to multi-generational living. We do have a housing challenge. But it’s the lack of appropriate designs and quantity and NOT interest rates or hedge funds that are solely to blame.

Full disclosure: I do not come from the kind of family that thinks multi-generational living is a good idea. But we are thoughtful about where we are located. I relocated HJ (Mom) to be 15 minutes from me. She traded Florida weather for a really nice living space in the Great White North. But what’s important is that I’m 15 minutes away. Our current negotiation is that I don’t galivant across the globe for long periods while she’s still alive. So, we’ve compromised by staying on the continent.

Similarly, we are splitting our time living in Ohio to be near grandchildren. We are NOT in the same house. But we are living in the same townhouse complex where we can act as resources or a set of extra wheels.

The solution is different for everyone. But I hope you discuss this before you need a solution. And I hope you take the window afforded to you and make the most of it. You will have time later to buckle down and finish the last push of your career, care for your parents, and snuggle your grandchildren. Don’t wait to put together a longevity or elder care plan and discuss it with your loved ones. #WeRescueOurselves

Reading:
Pew Research
Multigenerational home plan designs

Copyright © Madrina Molly, LLC 2024. All rights reserved.

The information contained herein and shared by Madrina Molly™ constitutes financial education and not investment or financial advice

Sherry Finkel Murphy, CFP®, RICP®, ChFC®, is the Founder and CEO of Madrina Molly, LLC.

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