Childless By Choice
Grandmother With Intention
I am childless by choice. And that’s probably an important area for Madrina Molly™ to explore, as women without children need to consider how they will spend their later years. For a couple of decades, people told me I’d change my mind one day; that my biological clock would start ticking. It never happened.
And I honored that.
Now, instead of telling me that I’ll change my mind, people ask why I never had children. Same answer. I never woke up feeling the need to birth a child. What changed is that now I tell people it was choice from the get-go. No hedging.
However, I do wake up with the desire to mentor and improve the next generation and the one after that. I learned this desire is called “generativity.” (See my January 4 post titled, “I’m So Excited!”) In this respect, I feel like I was born to be a Madrina.
I have wonderful relationships with my stepchildren and my adult nieces and nephews. I’ve even been asked to officiate at the oldest nephew’s wedding. What I didn’t see coming all those years ago was someday becoming a stepmother of three and grandmother of five.
The universe has given me some gifts while it has a laugh at my expense. (Universe: “Didn’t want to be a mom, huh?”)
I was able to launch my stepdaughter, Christine, from our house when she graduated college. For four years, I was certain she wasn’t listening to any of the “subtle” (tongue planted firmly in cheek) career advice I had been giving her. But now, years later, I’m hearing my words come out of her mouth. How did that happen?
My eldest grandchild, Ava, attends my alma mater, the University of Rochester. So now I have a legacy student, which makes me feel like my membership in the alumni association is finally useful.
A few years back, my daughter-in-law, Anne, told me that her oldest, Caralynn, wanted a doll for Christmas. I told her I didn’t think I was that kind of grandmother. But I then thought about it and found a Billie Jean King doll so I could explain BJK’s history to her. Now, Caralynn loves exploring extraordinary women.
I may be getting the hang of this.
We (Fred and I) split our time between Ohio and New York so we can be on drop-off/pick-up duty for kindergarten and help the kids concentrate on their careers and their family simultaneously. That’s a heavy lift, and I’m glad we can help. It also comes with the bonus of being able to introduce another granddaughter, Vienna, to Cher, Tina Turner, Cyndi Lauper and Meghan Trainor (among others) as we ride in the car to school.
Vienna: “Alexa, play ‘One Way or Another’ by Blondie.”
Vienna’s Mom: “GrandSherry, did you do this?”
GrandSherry: (Smiles)
Kindergarten drop-off comes with a fist bump and a mantra: “I am strong, I am smart, I am beautiful, I can do anything. I will persevere because the journey is the reward.” And Vienna has it down cold. She even does it with Grandpa!
What’s sad and crazy to me is how hard it is for me to say it with conviction. And I hope Vienna never stops believing it the way she believes it today. But there’s no time like the present for me to start believing it because we speak our truths into existence. And I need to role model that for my grandchildren.
From a child’s perspective, there can never be too many grandparents. And anthropologists believe that engaged grandparents improve education and wellbeing. I’ll keep you all informed, as I use my newly recovered schedule to explore my role as a grandmother. Because, if my grandchildren are listening, I certainly will have something to say.
I should point out that I am not alone as a member of the #SecondWivesClub, women whose life and financial plans are upended (happily, in my case) by becoming grandmothers without actually passing through motherhood first. We are, however, a “retirement, long-term care and estate planning” nightmare waiting to happen if we don’t work through the many blended family scenarios this situation creates. If you, too, are an unexpected grandmother, I look forward to hearing from you. And we’ll discuss how to navigate this together.
© 2024 Madrina Molly
The information contained herein and shared by Madrina Molly™ constitutes education and not investment advice.
I started writing a serious post, but it just wasn’t happening. I took a break to find something amusing on TV and settled on Zombie House Flippers. I have thoughts.
For starters, their math doesn’t “math” for me, and I’ll explain that in a minute. But it made me think about how our DIY economy has grown beyond all measure, courtesy of these types of programs, customer workshops at Home Depot/Lowe’s, and social media. I applaud the industriousness, talent, and personal ambition of these creators.
But ….