My Favorite New Year Coaching Exercise

The Wish/Want/Will List

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I got excited when I realized I’d be able to share my favorite coaching exercise with a large audience this year. I don’t claim originality for this exercise; I just know it works. It’s an amalgamation of multiple list-making exercises I’ve borrowed from people like Barbara Sher and Jack Canfield.

How do I know it works? For starters, it got me my partner, Fred. Second, it has helped me refine my own achievements. And third, my clients and proteges enjoy doing it.

First, I’ll explain the exercise; then, I’ll tell you the partner story.

I call it the “Wish/Want/Will Exercise,” and it’s a series of three lists with additional, supporting commentary. I recommend using a fresh ruled notebook (the cheap kind, but with bound pages).

Separate the book into three sections:

·       The first half of the book is your Wish List.

·       The next quarter of the book will be your Want List.

·       The final quarter of the book is your Will List.

If you’re a “paperless” person, good for you; and feel free to use spreadsheets, online documents or other digital tools of your choice. Just leave enough room to re-sort and make comments in the electronic margins.

For the Wish List, brainstorm your 100 (give or take) dreams and goals, from the ridiculous to the sublime. You are under no obligation to be practical. If you want $100 million, that’s fine. If you want to win an Oscar, that’s also fine. Just get it down as fast as you can. Since I already feel very blessed, I tend to run out of steam in the 30s. Then I fight to get into the 70s over the next two or three weeks. Only a few times in recent years have I made it to 100. What a lovely thing that is to be able to say!

My Wish List items start with the impractical because it’s fun. Quickly, my fun dreams turn practical, bordering on mundane. Invariably, I want a better haircut, or a replacement paring knife, or something I realize provides immeasurable value to me, but simply requires me to get off my tush and do it. I love it when I land on an Aha! list item.  It’s instantly gratifying to know I can meet my own needs with some thought and intention.

Not everything on the Wish List can be accomplished instantly.  Many items are projects or skills that need to be pursued over time because, well, mastery (or even conscious competence) takes time. And here’s where the list hits pay dirt:  On what items are you willing to invest your precious time? 

Remember, we only have 168 hours a week. It’s a constant. We can’t change that.

Enter the Want List. This is a subset of the Wish List that represents the things we are willing to work toward. This is active work—involving education, practice or some other commitment of time and energy. It is here where you’ll transfer the items in which you are willing to invest. And in any given year, that’s a moderate to short list. This year, I know I will transfer my swimming form, my health management, my mobility, weightlifting, family time, and Madrina Molly (of course) to the Want List. There might also be something on the Want List centered around cooking skills, but the jury’s still out on that.

Now that I know what I want to make happen by working on it in 2024, I must make it fit into my 168 hours per week. That’s where the rubber meets the road: the Will List. A subset of the Want List, the Will List reflects what I’m willing to work toward and what I’m willing to sacrifice for. It’s where goals are met, and achievements are unlocked. This is a short list … a very short list.

Sometimes, when I think I have a goal and I haven’t made the progress I’d like, I ask myself if my goal was on my Want List or my Will List. The answer is always illuminating. Because I can tell when something is not on the Will List. And, rather than beat myself up, I can give myself grace and acknowledge that it remains on the Wish and Want list only … for now.

Over the course of the year, I work with my Want and Will lists to determine exactly how I’m going to accomplish my goals and what investments and sacrifices I’m willing to make. By the way, I have endless notes in the margins, and I’m guessing you will too; because it’s important to refine your ask so you end up with the right thing, no?  After all, the universe and your subconscious are going to give you what you ask for. Best to make sure it’s what you want.

Several years back, after a little over a year of being single again, I entered the dating pool. To put it bluntly, dating at 51 was an ugly experience. But I realized that if I wanted a partner, I’d have to make a project of myself, and I put myself out there. 

The big problem was that (and forgive me if your partner is not one of these people) older men tend to revert to their childhood. I found they either wanted to relive their youth (whether or not it included motorcycles and sportscars) or they wanted someone to mother them. I did not want a child. I wanted an equal, someone who could pull his own weight and own his half of the relationship (both the work side and the magic side).

The night after my 49th “meh” date, frustrated, I wrote “I want to partner with a man who is able to take charge, so I don’t have to own everything all the time!” in my Wish List.  And that was when the universe sent me, Fred, a retired Army Colonel. I’m pleased to say that now, I’m only in charge of what I choose to own. Fred (a.k.a., Colonel Mustard) makes everything--and I mean everything--happen around  me with perfect military precision. I’m both grateful and highly amused.

I hope you enjoy this exercise. Please share it with those you want to see clarify and achieve their goals. The team at Madrina Molly wishes you more joy than you can stand in 2024!

The information contained herein and shared by Madrina Molly™ constitutes education and not investment advice.

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