The Triple Decker Club Sandwich Generation and Feeling Wealthy

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Madrina Molly™  represents a huge change for me. For most of my adult life, I’ve arisen at 4:30 a.m., commuted to an office (or, more recently, to the next room) and structured my days around corporate or client meetings or both.

While I’m blessed to have saved enough to spend my money in accordance with my values, I’m doubly blessed to be able to spend my time in accordance with my values. And that intersection of time, money, and values is where people feel wealthy. 

These days, my schedule has periods wherein, when I’m in New York, I visit my mother and take her to doctor’s appointments and out to eat. When I’m in Ohio, I’m on pick-up and drop-off duty to kindergarten and other activities we’ve taken on to help Fred’s kids. My car has both a spare walker and a spare child seat. Spanning grandchildren to senior parents, the sandwich generation is now the triple-decker club sandwich generation.

(Quote from husband as he vacuums the cheese-cracker crumbs out of the back seat):

“How the fuck did glitter get into the cup holder?”

Welcome to our new world.

Feeling wealthy is less a number than having the freedom to design your life, even if it doesn’t look at all the way you had planned it. My poker-playing mentor says to play the hand you’re dealt like it’s the hand you wanted all along. He’s right. When you spend your time and money in accordance with your values, you don’t just feel wealthy, you ARE wealthy. Our attitude about our circumstances goes a long way to making feeling wealthy possible.

But that doesn’t mean that the triple decker club sandwich generation doesn’t have unique challenges.  We don’t know where to live (i.e., should we be near our parents or our children. Should we downsize or upsize or support a multi-generational dwelling? We don’t know what to fund first. Help our children launch? Fund our retirement? Assist our parents?) We don’t know where to spend our precious time (Family? Work? Self-care?) And no answer seems good enough.

Since I’m navigating this in real time, I’ll let you know if I figure out any of the answers. Financial planning canon says to fasten your own oxygen mask (fund your retirement) before you help the person next to you. This refers to your children because your children have a long runway to see successful outcomes. But canonical financial planning hasn’t seen four to five generations coexisting, along with runways that span 30+ years of retirement. They haven’t seen parents living into their 90s and still active. I don’t think we can afford to think of “retirement” as an event going forward.  I think we need to see it as a process that will take many forms over many years. 

And the first thing I’m going to do to celebrate my “feeling wealthy” in my next stage is to refuse to book any early morning meetings after January 1.  Morning is officially my own time. #WeRescueOurselves

The information contained herein and shared by Madrina Molly™ constitutes financial education and not investment or financial advice

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